why i'll pass on being your muse

Initially, guess I would have said I thought it sounded a bit romantic to be thought of as someone's muse. The Fashionista and I were discussing on GChat on Friday. She said "their purpose is to purely inspire with no real happiness". My response was "oh well then nevermind... I'll keep the happiness portion".

I was pretty beat for some reason on Friday night. LH and I discussed venturing to see a movie, but it just wasn't lining up. She was wrapping up things in the office before an upcoming work trip and me, I was just itching to get out the door before I fell asleep on my keyboard. So, a little indie film watching ended up being the plan for the evening. The Fashionista and crew were meeting up at HRC for a pre-movie dinner and then heading on to the E Street Cinema, the only theater in DC running Factory Girl.

Edie Sedgwick... she was not one I was familiar with. When the Fashionista mentioned heading to see the movie, at first I thought nah. I don't know anything about this person. This might be one I can sit out. I started looking a bit into the film though and was intrigued. Here was a story of someone who went from high society to drawn into this alternate universe that was Andy Warhol's factory. Someone who was a fashion icon. Someone who could have been destined for so much more in life. I decided I was in.

I can't remember the last time I went to HRC. I did remember instantly upon entering the restaurant that it was always some sort of mecca for middle and high school tour groups. If I didn't instantly remember, I would be reminded as I was surrounded by swarms of young girls taking photos in the restroom or the server telling us no, she could not turn down the music -- it had to be loud enough to drown out the swarms of children seated throughout the restaurant. It was fun though. The highlight was the bronze-ish sign pronouncing "embassy of rock". Nice.

The movie itself though left an impression. I'm always intrigued to learn more about the life of the different people in movies based on real life. I'm fascinated by how someone like an Edie Sedgwick could become so entranced with a character like Andy Warhol to the point of sacrificing everything for nothing in return. Perhaps it was just all that she'd been through in her family life that led her to want to see more there than perhaps was really there. And while Andy did idolize her in some way, I don't know that I could say he really and truly loved her. Disassociating yourself from someone like that when they bottom out in large part due to your contribution in my eyes just cannot equal love. If it does, that's one type of love I want none of.

I just couldn't get over the relationship between the two... the way he drew so much out of her in the way of inspiration and energy. The way he used her until the point where he could not draw anything else from her and then tossed her away for the next "source". I'm curious to read more on their relationship, since I know the movie doesn't necessarily capture all of the reality there. It made me think though that if that's what it means to be someones muse, I think I'll pass. It's romantic to think of being inspiring, but when it means your life turns out to be somewhat empty... sad... hopeless... yeah, not for me. I'm much more of a substance kind of girl.

[Just to note... the Fashionista and I were discussing and apparently the representation of the Edie/Andy relationship wasn't so true to life... I decided to leave up the post here regardless, but wanted to note]